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I was recently in a suburb of Sydney, Australia for a family wedding.
Day 2 of the 4-day Indian wedding involved an elaborate prayer ceremony called the Piti or Mandhvo to cleanse the groom with haldi (turmeric) before his wedding day.
Dressed in a vibrant orange sari (which took my Pratiba Foi and a friend to help me put on), I hopped in the car with my aunt and uncle to head over to the ceremony.
My mom, who was already there, called right then on behalf of my aunt- the mother of the groom- to tell me that I can’t come because I’m menstruating (which makes me “unclean” for such an occasion). Just days prior, I was reciting a poem by enthusiastic request from my family to my family about patriarchy and intergenerational healing in our culture…
“…It is amazing that
trees can grow
even in spaces where
the blood from a yoni
brands a menstruating body
with a scarlet letter “F” for
filthy, unwelcomed for prayer…”Alchemizing Fruit
a spoken word about patriarchy and intergenerational healing in South Asian culture
So when this very thing was collectively reinforced, I was pissed.
Feeling left behind and seemingly without choice, I felt anger and resentment. This resentment felt righteous, valid, and protective like Kali Ma. It swooped in to defend my bleeding body and my right to communal prayer despite my moon cycle- which by the way, my Creator gave me as a cleansing mechanism in and of itself 🩸.
Resentment is defined as “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.” Psychologists say that resentment sometimes stems from a sense of injustice or unfairness. Holding onto it can feel like a way to seek justice or validation. Perhaps that’s why resentment can feel so sticky, like hot, hot jalebi.
While I felt like I righteously had my own back with the resentment, it also left me with blaming and judgmental stories of others that only fueled my isolation, closed-heartedness, and bitterness.
In this energy, the day progressively got worse. I continued to stew in my anger and I couldn’t easily eat my feelings with any good food available on the Easter holiday in the business district I was staying in. Then, I fell off a tree I was climbing at the park and hit my head…ugh!
With scabs on my legs, a swollen head and heavy heart, I had to alchemize the resentment.
This is how I practiced (and continue practicing) releasing resentment:
1. I non-judgmentally recognize the felt-sense of resentment and fear brewing in me
I observe how resentment feels in my body and how my body feels in resentment.
2. I acknowledge my resentments by writing them down and more importantly, naming my fears associated with them.
(I learned this practice from Anna Runkle, who shares a great free class on this “daily practice”), and follow this format: “I have resentment with/at/against _____ because I fear that _____.”
3. I give up my resentments and fears to a Higher Power.
To God, the land, the Universe, etc.
I share more personal details about each practice below (and I feel protective over these details, so I’m reserving them for my paid subscribers, thank you).
Also for the paid subscribers this month is an Alchemy Circle on “Releasing Resentment.”
Subscribe if you’d benefit from this further writing, gathering and practice.