i hav never seen someone talk about limerence and longing da way u hav. dis is life changing perspective and context. it’s amazing dat we all share dis experience and it all makes so much sense now. i’ve been unpacking it and understanding it in myself in pieces—and making great strides with dat… but reading dis shed light on just how deep and widespread da conflict is; and thankfully not in a pathologizing or isolating way either. im so grateful to know and understand. may my longing for tonight be fulfilled by dis wealth of knowledge.
"In the boredom.." the honesty is that I often find that I pretend to be okay with the mundane. Yet truly I'm having a whole production play out within my mind. I know, it's finally time to get out of there.
right…i think i’m “unplugging” and being present, but how is dat possible when i’m floating in fantasy? it’s amazing dat i can be engaging in addictive behavior without any substance, object, activity, or person around; just my mind.
"Coping through fantasy, collapse, overachievement, addiction, emotional distance is…adaptation, and resilience." Tears sprang to my eyes when I heard you read his. Also I love reading along while listening to you. Sometimes I am too overwhelmed to even read so the reinforcement of your voice and feeling companionship and you sharing your story felt very soothing. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you! Really appreciate how you engage in vulnerable reflection on limerence where I’m able to witness parts of me mirrored back without any shame or judgement. It provides an invitation into deeper self-curiosity and accountability.
Such a powerful piece, dear Chetna. Thank you for the honesty and realness -- that feels like such a powerful force to both accept the fantasies when they come, and not judge them or yourself, and also to pop the bubbles so you don't float away from yourself, your community, and Mama Earth. Good medicine all around -- and helpful for my propensity to replay and fantasize different possibilities as opposed to just accepting what actually happened. Thank you! <3
Chetna, so many beautiful, relatable reflections here! A couple of my favorites:
"Testing reality only works when I am more committed to truth than to the high."
"I’m acclimating my nervous system to desire that moves at the pace of trust, not obsession."
And, so much relationship to the back and forth of it all when we might need low dose hit of the good stuff, but SO deeply aware of what indulging might lead to.
Thank you for putting into words something many of us navigate privately, so vulnerably <3
It definitely makes me feel like isolated in these waters :)
“When the village dissolves, the human psyche improvises.
Some of us drink, or go silent, or rage. Some of us fantasize. And I’ve built a bakery from breadcrumbs.”
Thank you for re-introducing me to the word Limerence. I relate to so much of what you wrote. In fact, I listened to it twice. Some of the details are different since I’ve been in a 30 year marriage. I’ve never used some of the things you described. But I assure you limerence has its place in long-term relationships. The villages around me seem to shift and devolve and evolve constantly. I’ve retreated to all of that drinking drugs, rage silence shrinking myself, and yes, fantasizing maybe not a new lover, but a freedom of running away. Perhaps it’s helped me cope in the moment. I love what you’ve shared. It’s given me a lot to think about. Thank you, Chetna.❤️
i hav never seen someone talk about limerence and longing da way u hav. dis is life changing perspective and context. it’s amazing dat we all share dis experience and it all makes so much sense now. i’ve been unpacking it and understanding it in myself in pieces—and making great strides with dat… but reading dis shed light on just how deep and widespread da conflict is; and thankfully not in a pathologizing or isolating way either. im so grateful to know and understand. may my longing for tonight be fulfilled by dis wealth of knowledge.
"In the boredom.." the honesty is that I often find that I pretend to be okay with the mundane. Yet truly I'm having a whole production play out within my mind. I know, it's finally time to get out of there.
right…i think i’m “unplugging” and being present, but how is dat possible when i’m floating in fantasy? it’s amazing dat i can be engaging in addictive behavior without any substance, object, activity, or person around; just my mind.
"Coping through fantasy, collapse, overachievement, addiction, emotional distance is…adaptation, and resilience." Tears sprang to my eyes when I heard you read his. Also I love reading along while listening to you. Sometimes I am too overwhelmed to even read so the reinforcement of your voice and feeling companionship and you sharing your story felt very soothing. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you! Really appreciate how you engage in vulnerable reflection on limerence where I’m able to witness parts of me mirrored back without any shame or judgement. It provides an invitation into deeper self-curiosity and accountability.
Beautiful writing and an accurate and exquisite portayal for me of the connection between limerence and being the daughter of ancestors who migrated.
Such a powerful piece, dear Chetna. Thank you for the honesty and realness -- that feels like such a powerful force to both accept the fantasies when they come, and not judge them or yourself, and also to pop the bubbles so you don't float away from yourself, your community, and Mama Earth. Good medicine all around -- and helpful for my propensity to replay and fantasize different possibilities as opposed to just accepting what actually happened. Thank you! <3
Chetna, so many beautiful, relatable reflections here! A couple of my favorites:
"Testing reality only works when I am more committed to truth than to the high."
"I’m acclimating my nervous system to desire that moves at the pace of trust, not obsession."
And, so much relationship to the back and forth of it all when we might need low dose hit of the good stuff, but SO deeply aware of what indulging might lead to.
Thank you for putting into words something many of us navigate privately, so vulnerably <3
It definitely makes me feel like isolated in these waters :)
An archaic poem about limerence: https://ultrasynthetic.substack.com/p/apollo-tree?r=35g8nq
“When the village dissolves, the human psyche improvises.
Some of us drink, or go silent, or rage. Some of us fantasize. And I’ve built a bakery from breadcrumbs.”
Thank you for re-introducing me to the word Limerence. I relate to so much of what you wrote. In fact, I listened to it twice. Some of the details are different since I’ve been in a 30 year marriage. I’ve never used some of the things you described. But I assure you limerence has its place in long-term relationships. The villages around me seem to shift and devolve and evolve constantly. I’ve retreated to all of that drinking drugs, rage silence shrinking myself, and yes, fantasizing maybe not a new lover, but a freedom of running away. Perhaps it’s helped me cope in the moment. I love what you’ve shared. It’s given me a lot to think about. Thank you, Chetna.❤️